We can evangelize or socialize. It all depends on whether you are saved or not.

Types of Romantic Relationships

There is so much controversy about the rights and wrongs of Christian dating, courtship, engagement and marriage. Where does the line of friendship cross over to infatuation? What is acceptable by God, the Word and the Church? Churches that take a nuetral position seem to see widespread liberalism on this issue and Churches that impose rules sometimes tend to be a bit controlling thereby opening themselves up for accusations of legalism. I have noticed that a sharp division within the Church exists because of the strong passion to believe one way or the other. Let's talk about some different relationship models that can aid friendship and romance yet at the same time maintain integrity to the purity that God's Word demands.

At age 43 and having been a born again believer for 25 years, I bring some ideas to the body of Christ to this dilemma that appears to be unresolved and unclear. The Church has been around for over 2000 years and somehow this world's influence on sex and love has had more impact on society than the Church of the 21st century. We as members of the body are all responsible for this shameful condition. We are so clear in our theology about baptisms and eschatologies but when it comes to the relationship between a man and a woman; the very image of Christ and his bride, we have fallen ridiculously short. I would like to define some of the different types of romantic relationships that currently exist within our society and from that base, see if we can bring a little bit of biblical order without throwing out the culture of the day.

ELOPING
-courthouse marriage
-getting a license to have sexual relations that is recognized by the church as well as the state
-parental and pastoral consent not necessary
-usually done out of impulse or lack of self-control

DATING
-an American custom
-non-committal romance.
-intention to marry not necessary but can have it
-no accountability required but encouraged
-most vulnerable for sexual temptation and if sexually active, it is usually secretive

COURTSHIP
-a Middle English custom
-friends who are attracted to each other
-hang out in group settings
-“wooing the girl”
-friendship with intention to seek a marriage partner
-can end at any time, no commitment
-high accountability
-no premarital sex allowed, including no physical contact (e.g. holding hands, hugs, etc.) “No hips, hands or butts about it.”

ENGAGEMENT
-verbal commitment to a marriage date
-no accountability required but can have it
-no pre-marital sexual contact of any kind allowed but vulnerable if no accountability
-based on your honor

BETROTHAL-
-a Hebrew tradition
-a contractual commitment to a marriage date signed by pastor, parents and couple
-a nonrefundable dowry to go toward wedding plans or the marriage
-requires a select accountability team composed of spiritual and/or biological family members/friends
-high accountability
-no premarital sexual contact of any kind, including no physical contact (e.g. holding hands, hugs, etc.) “No hips, hands or butts about it.”

DEFINITIONS

High Accountability:
-no private communications (e.g. phone calls, chats, notes, etc.)
-communication with one another in group settings and fellowships is permitted

At Spirit Life Church, we identify every romantic relationship for what it is. Even though we discourage dating, we realize that we cannot control people's decisions. We do, however, forbid it among leaders and those who are in leadership and discipleship training. Persons that refuse to stop dating or are in a sexually active relationship can make it right by eloping. For the most part eloping is very risky and does not involve a religious ceremony or much pastoral counseling but it does resolve the immediate issue of getting out sexual sin. Please keep in mind that any form of marriage does not resolve the problem of lust or fornication. Repentance is the only way to get rid of the spirit of fornication. Most of the time even periods of abstinence and focusing on God not the opposite sex is necessary for total deliverance. Unresolved lust and sexual immorality transfers into the marriage. Lust can never be satisfied even within the context of marriage. Only the blood of Jesus and walking in fellowship with the Lord can heal and cleanse anyone of sin. Marriage cannot. I have attached my sermon notes and a powerpoint presentation for your further studies below.

"Romantic Relationships" by Bobby Torres

"Altar Call"

"Give Me Your Heart" by Ashton Moore & Adam Gurley

"Sleeping Beauty" by Karla & Kristina Torres

"Courting vs. Dating by Bobby Torres

Tags: christian, courtship, dating, love, romance

Attachments:

Romantic-Relationships_1108_071908.ppt, 2.3 MB
Romantic-Relationships-072008-1036pm.doc, 55 KB
The_15_Tests_of_Agape.doc, 43 KB

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by D Weezy on July 7, 2008 at 9:14pm: Nice- I Like this; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ashley Cable on July 9, 2008 at 11:12am: Wow, I really like that! It makes things a lot more clear and defined. I can't wait to hear the Betrothal message this coming up week!:); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Carol on July 9, 2008 at 1:35pm: I love that this is discussed at Spirit Life Church. It is a most excellent standard. I grew up worldly in a worldly family, where morals were expected but not demonstrated. My mother's advice was to not "put out" until you got the ring. I fell short of that, but not by much. One of my sister's was a virgin when she married (the first time). This is good teaching; I learned the hard way, by making mistakes and grieving my Lord. I lived with my current husband for 6 years before eloping and it took us about 9 years to work out the serious problems. If you are in a sexual relationship and not married, get some councelling and get right with your Lord.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Nanette on July 13, 2008 at 2:39pm: Thanks for "spelling" this out. I have been trying to share these basic principles with my youth groups, but this gives me a concrete list of "definitions" to make explainations better. With your permission, I'd like to print this out and share it with my Bible study group...we are discussing marriage (most members of the group are married). This really ties in with our lessons..; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Wes Peacock on July 15, 2008 at 1:01pm: Sounds Awesome! I love that our church as a whole is rising to a new level of maturity, responsibility, and owning up to the consequences of their decisions. I can't wait to see this teaching bring forth truth and a new mindset on relationships. I want to shed tears for the many people who left our church with bitterness and anger, instead of staying commited and growing "with us" as a body. We are in this fight together, and God is going to take us from glory to glory, not just as individuals, but as a corporate body.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bobby Torres on July 20, 2008 at 10:43am

I have attached some additional teachings on this subject. Write me if you want the powerpoints.

Attachments:

The_15_Tests_of_Agape.doc, 43 KB
4 Types of Love_1014am_021008.doc, 32 KB
5_Languages_of_ Love_021708.doc, 40 KB

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Permalink Reply by Jeff belman on July 26, 2008 at 7:37pm: i loved this message your delivery was awsome but i got a few questions i mean i love 2 be in love it just brings joy 2 me to be in love .. and my understanding is that if i should put a woman into my foundation for god .. my foundation will fall. as you said house on sand . so i know i should focus on god nd make sure the woman i want 2 court is doing the same but i geuss my question is how will i know when its time 2 court sum1 ? because i feel like i should always be focused on god even after i am married but is there a certain time 2 court sum1 or do u just trust that god will help me 2 realize when its time ?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sharonda Greenlaw on July 27, 2008 at 4:27pm: Bob, I know it's been a couple of weeks since you did this sermon, but I wanted to tell you how much I really enjoyed it and how I know how real it is. I could identify areas in my own life where I messed up and needed to repent to God. Thanks for this Word!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Brandon on August 21, 2008 at 4:09pm: i liked it but still ike the old teaching better.but this one really explained alot more on all the realationships; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by DANIEL YOUNG on September 22, 2008 at 4:51pm: PASTOR BOBBY,

IT IS GOOD TO SEE SOME REAL LIFE ISSUES BEING TALKED ABOUT IN THIS CHURCH. THE GOSPEL IS NOT USER FRIENDLY AND THE WESTERN CHURCH HAS STRAYED FROM SOUND BIBLICAL DOCTRINE. THE CHURCH HAS TURNED WEAK AND NEEDS TRUE REVIVAL IN THE CHURCH BEFORE IT HITS THE WORLD. SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS INSIDE OF THE CHURCH IS OFTEN NOT ADDRESSED BECAUSE OF FEAR THAT THE CONGREGATION WILL BE OFFENDED BUT THE GOSPEL IS OFFENSIVE AND I FEAR GOD MORE THAN ANY MAN. THIS IS SERIOUS ISSUES THAT IF NOT ADDRESSED I BELIEVE IS ONE OF THE LEADING CAUSES IF NOT THE LEADING CAUSE OF YOUNG PEOPLE BACKSLIDING INTO THE WORLD. I KNOW BECAUSE I FELT THE PULL FROM SATAN AND HAVE WATCHED MANY PEOPLE I CARE FOR BE DRAGGED AWAY BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN DESIRES THAT WERE NOT ADDRESSED. IN MY CHURCH COURTING IS STRONGLY ENCOURAGED. I WAS TAUGHT TO ESTABLISH A INTIMATE STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST, AND THEN ONCE RELEASED BY MY SPIRITUAL FATHER TO CONSIDER PURSUING FRIENDSHIPS WITH BEING MARRIAGE MINDED. WE ARE ENCOURAGED TO HAVE ACCOUNTABILITY AT ALL TIME AND TO LIVE ABOVE REPROACH. HOLINESS IS THE BOTTOM LINE. IT IS EASY TO TAKE THINGS TO FAR AND WE DESIRE TO PREVENT THIS IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. I PERSONALLY BELIEVE SEXUAL SIN IS ONE OF THE FASTEST WAYS TO DISABLE A CALLING, GRIEVE THE HOLY SPIRIT, COMPLETELY HAULT INTIMACY WITH GOD. KEEP PREACHING HOLINESS, SOUND DOCTRINE, AND THE ISSUES THAT THE BODY OF CHRIST HAS NEGLECTED FOR CENTURIES AND HAS GOT US TO THE PRESENT STATE OF THE CHURCH. THIS IS APPRECIATED.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Shaanna Cortes on September 23, 2008 at 9:15pm: The Betrothal sudy is great. Angel steele and Linda summers did a teaching on that a few months ago. That's the type of relationship I look forward to being apart of. Anyways Im glad to hear these different relationships are being expose to the church. Real issue with real sulotions..

God bless..
Nana; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bobby Torres on October 21, 2008 at 7:21am: I am so glad to hear that you enjoyed this information. My daughters are really committed to this as well. You ought to meet them some time.; ▶ Reply to This