We can evangelize or socialize. It all depends on whether you are saved or not.

Types of Romantic Relationships

There is so much controversy about the rights and wrongs of Christian dating, courtship, engagement and marriage. Where does the line of friendship cross over to infatuation? What is acceptable by God, the Word and the Church? Churches that take a nuetral position seem to see widespread liberalism on this issue and Churches that impose rules sometimes tend to be a bit controlling thereby opening themselves up for accusations of legalism. I have noticed that a sharp division within the Church exists because of the strong passion to believe one way or the other. Let's talk about some different relationship models that can aid friendship and romance yet at the same time maintain integrity to the purity that God's Word demands.

At age 43 and having been a born again believer for 25 years, I bring some ideas to the body of Christ to this dilemma that appears to be unresolved and unclear. The Church has been around for over 2000 years and somehow this world's influence on sex and love has had more impact on society than the Church of the 21st century. We as members of the body are all responsible for this shameful condition. We are so clear in our theology about baptisms and eschatologies but when it comes to the relationship between a man and a woman; the very image of Christ and his bride, we have fallen ridiculously short. I would like to define some of the different types of romantic relationships that currently exist within our society and from that base, see if we can bring a little bit of biblical order without throwing out the culture of the day.

ELOPING
-courthouse marriage
-getting a license to have sexual relations that is recognized by the church as well as the state
-parental and pastoral consent not necessary
-usually done out of impulse or lack of self-control

DATING
-an American custom
-non-committal romance.
-intention to marry not necessary but can have it
-no accountability required but encouraged
-most vulnerable for sexual temptation and if sexually active, it is usually secretive

COURTSHIP
-a Middle English custom
-friends who are attracted to each other
-hang out in group settings
-“wooing the girl”
-friendship with intention to seek a marriage partner
-can end at any time, no commitment
-high accountability
-no premarital sex allowed, including no physical contact (e.g. holding hands, hugs, etc.) “No hips, hands or butts about it.”

ENGAGEMENT
-verbal commitment to a marriage date
-no accountability required but can have it
-no pre-marital sexual contact of any kind allowed but vulnerable if no accountability
-based on your honor

BETROTHAL-
-a Hebrew tradition
-a contractual commitment to a marriage date signed by pastor, parents and couple
-a nonrefundable dowry to go toward wedding plans or the marriage
-requires a select accountability team composed of spiritual and/or biological family members/friends
-high accountability
-no premarital sexual contact of any kind, including no physical contact (e.g. holding hands, hugs, etc.) “No hips, hands or butts about it.”

DEFINITIONS

High Accountability:
-no private communications (e.g. phone calls, chats, notes, etc.)
-communication with one another in group settings and fellowships is permitted

At Spirit Life Church, we identify every romantic relationship for what it is. Even though we discourage dating, we realize that we cannot control people's decisions. We do, however, forbid it among leaders and those who are in leadership and discipleship training. Persons that refuse to stop dating or are in a sexually active relationship can make it right by eloping. For the most part eloping is very risky and does not involve a religious ceremony or much pastoral counseling but it does resolve the immediate issue of getting out sexual sin. Please keep in mind that any form of marriage does not resolve the problem of lust or fornication. Repentance is the only way to get rid of the spirit of fornication. Most of the time even periods of abstinence and focusing on God not the opposite sex is necessary for total deliverance. Unresolved lust and sexual immorality transfers into the marriage. Lust can never be satisfied even within the context of marriage. Only the blood of Jesus and walking in fellowship with the Lord can heal and cleanse anyone of sin. Marriage cannot. I have attached my sermon notes and a powerpoint presentation for your further studies below.

"Romantic Relationships" by Bobby Torres

"Infatuation"

"Altar Call"

"Give Me Your Heart" by Ashton Moore & Adam Gurley

"Sleeping Beauty" by Karla & Kristina Torres

"Courting vs. Dating by Bobby Torres

Tags: christian, courtship, dating, love, romance

Attachments:

Romantic-Relationships_1108_071908.ppt, 2.3 MB
Romantic-Relationships-072008-1036pm.doc, 55 KB
The_15_Tests_of_Agape.doc, 43 KB

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by joshua olatunde on February 6, 2011 at 3:47am

HELLO AMANDA,

FIRST YOU NEED TO ADMIT FULLY THAT YOU HAVE WRONGED YOUR MARRIAGE RIGHT FROM THE FOUNDATION...THE GOODNEWS IS THIS GOD IS A MERCIFUL GOD AND READY TO ACCEPT THOSE WHO REPENT GENUINELY..SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS A TOTAL MESS TO THE BODY OF CHRIST AS IT BRINGS A LOT OF FAULTS TO THE MARRIAGE SETTINGS AND SATAN ALWAYS USES IT AS AN AVENUE TO PENETRATE INTO SWEET HOMES AND DESTINIES..

NOW, AFTER REPENTANCE, YOU HAVE TO GO FOR WATER BAPTISM TO BE FRESH IN THE LORD WITH GOOD LIFE..WHEN THIS IS DONE, DETERMINE NOT TO TOUCH EACH OTHER UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE A PROPER MARRIAGE CORRECTION..FOR DETAILS ON MARRIAGE CORRECTION, TRY TO SEE A GENUINE PASTOR ABOUT IT..

YOU WILL START A NEW LIFE IN CHRIST AND GOD WILL BE HAPPY WITH THIS EFFORT..YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE NURTURED IN A GODLY WAY THERE IS NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT SINCE GOD IS HAPPY WITH YOUR FAMILY AFTER DOING THE RIGHT THING.

IT IS NO JOKE THOSE WHO LAID A WRONG FOUNDATION IN MARRIAGE ALWAYS HAVE NEGATIVE STORIES TO TELL..MANY OF THEM DO PRETEND AS IF ALL IS WELL BUT NEVER MIND THEM THERE IS FIRE BURNING THEM UNDER..THIS PROBLEM HAS A LOT OF NEGATIVE RESULTS WHICH MAY LEAD TO HELL FIRE..A RIGHTEOUS MAN CANNOT LIVE ON A WRONG FOUNDATION-PSALMS 11 V 3.

I HOPE YOU BEGIN TO PRAY RIGHT NOW ABOUT IT AND AM SURE THAT GOD WILL SURELY SEE YOU TROUGH..TRY TO BE SERIOUS ABOUT IT AND DO NOT GIVE ROOM TO THE DEVIL!

STAY BLESSED..

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Permalink Reply by joshua olatunde on February 6, 2011 at 3:53am

AND PERTAINING TO AGE LIMIT CONCERNING MARRIAGE, THERE IS NOTHING LIKE THAT IN THE BIBLE..IT IS A THING OF MATURITY IN THE BODY, SOUL, SPIRIT AND POCKET..

I THINK YOU GET THAT RIGHT..IF YOU ARE FIT FOR IT, GO FOR IT. I MEAN PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL AND FINANCIAL FITNESS...

STAY BLESSED.

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Permalink Reply by Bobby Torres on February 6, 2011 at 8:51am

Yes you are right.

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Permalink Reply by Bobby Torres on February 6, 2011 at 8:58am

Hi Amanda, thank you for expressing your questions honestly. First of all, the "age of accountability" depends on many factors such as maturity, state law, independence, culture and choice. So there is no cut and dry answer. As for living together and pre-marital sex. It is always best to remain pure until marriage for many reasons beyond God's Word. However, just as the woman caught in the act of adultery, Jesus confronted her accusers that were no better than her. He then simply told her to go and not sin anymore. There was no condemnation or judgment. God is merciful and only desires the best for his children. I wish you well in your marriage and I say go for it. God bless.

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Permalink Reply by Theodore Gamet on February 6, 2011 at 2:06am

You missed Rape.

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Permalink Reply by Edward Gillenardo on March 30, 2011 at 11:25am

I disagree about how marriage cannot take care of sexual sin. First Corinthians chapter 7 verses 2 and 8-9 says this:

verse 2:

"But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband."

verses 8-9:

"Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Verses 8 and 9 basically says that if you can't control your sexual passion, then get married, implying that marriage is strong enough to contain sex drives. In the Message Translation 1 Corinthians 7 says this:

"Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly--but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder."